My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
