I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
