I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
