I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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