I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
