I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
