I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
