What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
