FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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