Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
