I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
