"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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