The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
