I look better un-naked...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
