is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
