I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
