It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
