she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
