i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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