I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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