don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
