Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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