so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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