I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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