having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
