My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
