Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
