I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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