don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
