unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
