It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
