Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
