I puked a lego.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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