I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
