i love accidental penises.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
