hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
