hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
