i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
