I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
