haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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