did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
