Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
