Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
