Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
