He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
