I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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