They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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