oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
