I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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