Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
