Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
