Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
